bumping up against it

  memorial day part two. i started drinking again last memorial day. i stopped yesterday (this memorial day).
  i dont know if i’ll stay stopped. i’ve stopped before.
 the big book sits here with the little circles. evidence of coasterism.
all my directories were used for coasters too.
its this god thing. i got thru bill’s story there and i can relate to the spirit of the universe, the mechanism that is as profound as the precision of the game of baseball.
  as far as i know, a human invented baseball.
 i cannot relate to an all knowing conscious god that can permit the horrors of this world to accumulate.
 i cannot drink and take my cholesterol medication. so i quit my lipitor last memorial day. my doctor ordered a blood test and my triglycerides were above 1300. my liver function test was 41.
  he told me to get back on the lipitor.
  we just did another test and my triglycerides are 250, but liver function (alt)? was at 129. off the charts. i can
 1. quit lipitor and have an imminent heart attack (soon).
 2. i can die of liver disease (i  dont think i can spell cirrhosis).
 3. i can quit drinking again and persuade myself  that the same god that put me in this jam can save me.
 4. i can try to rediscover the clockwork of the universe and worship the mechanics of my temple.
   so it looks like its 3 or 4.

well well

 i have an urge to write
a sickness descended on everything
yesterday i bled into tubes
this morning tubes rang forming optimism
 ”but the hangman wasn’t hanging and they put you on the street”
but i’m on the couch with coffee and newsprint
my lungs still chafing at some unknown bullshit

still sweating

saw brother mitya at the beach last night
just a very cool scene
took the camcorder
sweating the day away trying to put the tape onto a dvd
its a dizzy day for me
sue is very happy for me
i find myself somewhat jaded about the program dont want to go tonight
its another hot one
all the dogma
i have a friend i see in aa from time to time and his soul
his soul is so light
people like that inspire me
out here
in the blogoshpere
completely bearable
lightness as well
i’d like to thank
the northern light

death trailer

 he is an old man by any standard. all he had to do was drive the truck to las vegas, drop off the trailer full of produce, pick up an empty trailer, and return.
  its an old mans job. it takes seniority to get this gig. one doesnt even need to be able to pull himself up into the trailer.
  on the trip back an errant driver crossed the line, missed his tractor, but plowed head on through the landing gear of the trailer and knocked off one of the back axles.
  the errant driver emerged in three pieces.
  blood and whatnot splattered about.
   the truck driver was driven home by another driver, and called later by the chp to come in for a drug test.
  the death trailer was towed into the yard where it came from originally.
it was covered with a tarp to prevent the morbidly curious from peeping.
and to preserve the scene for department of transportaion investigators.

drafted

 
darwin island
people mass
transit
consume
one way
one man 
love

slate

i moved
and left
bullshit squared

i think i’m nuts

  i dream of going back to the fog
  where vague shapes stumble
  mumble jumbled rumblings
  and time is chopped
  but you know
  i’ll stay another day
  i have an avocado tree and i planted it and its loaded